Well folks, it happened. 

I woke up today to sun streaming through my window and a flawless blue sky — the perfect start to March — and I stumbled out of bed zombie-style, as per usual, staggering toward the bathroom while trying unsuccessfully to pry my eyes open, crashing into walls and doors along the way. 

You’d think that I’d be invigorated. After all, I (and the rest of the world) had miraculously gained an extra 24-hours the day before in the form of a cute little bunny squeezing itself between two other cute little bunnies on the interactive Google doodle. 

This is an incredible feat of executive decision-making. Or science. Or both. (Either way, thank you Julius Caesar!) According to one study, fifty-eight percent of Americans would pay almost three thousands dollars just to have one extra hour per day, let alone a full 24. The second-most popular choice of how to spend that time was sleeping. (The first was watching television, which we all know is more or less the same thing as your mother cradling you to her breast and singing lullabies.) 

But with a whole extra day at my disposal, did I sleep in and then wake up feeling content and refreshed, only to lay my head down again at a reasonable hour later that night?

Nope.

It’s an outrage. I hustled at work and at school and in those fleeting hours between the two. And I wasn’t alone in my struggle. 

And so folks, that’s why I propose that we turn Leap Day into Sleep Day. 

It would be amazing. Something completely novel. The banks would shut down (gasp!). The restaurants would shut down (no!).  The hipster coffee shop on 18th Street would shut down (say it ain’t so!). The government would shut down (well, that’s only to be expected). The point is, EVERYONE COULD HAVE A BREAK. 

The health benefits would be incredible. Better memories! Better test scores! Less obesity! Less cancer! Utopia!

Seriously, it happens every four years. Is that really so much to ask for a day off once every four years? It’s not like I’m advocating for my birthday and Election Day to be national holidays too — after all, those holidays would only serve to make me feel good or stave off a Trump presidency and save the entire free world from spontaneous combustion. Sleep Day is more practical than that, and better for the future of society. It would totally reverse the trend of financially stable, educated young people not having babies because they are too busy for romance. With the coffee shops closed, what else is there to do? 

If we can arbitrarily lop off an hour in the spring and stick it back on in the fall, why not celebrate Sleep Day? In fact, I think — you know what, I’m too tired for this. I think I’ll go take a nap.